Day 18 (104 Overall)
Kandamodara, Sri Lanka
The rhythm of the waves of the ocean are hypnotically healing. It can bring us back into tune as the waves of the ocean are in one way or the other connected to the waves that are within us all. Can the ocean ever reach stillness or must it always sway? Can we, or is it merely a dream?
I ask myself every morning How do I feel today? As of recently, I have felt very good. At peace. At peace to continue on at my own pace. No need to hurry. No need to go slow. At my own pace. Can there be any other way to proceed onwards? As I continue, I thank everyone and everything that has led me to where I am today. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
As I proceed to the climax of my own spiritual journey, whether in this life or the next, I wonder how many lives I have hoped for and wished to be where I currently am. With the knowledge that a “goal” exist and a method to get there; two keys. Would my past lives tell me to slow down or to speed up? Perhaps just to go the same pace that I currently am. How do I know it is coming to an end sooner rather then later? It is just something inside. Like they say, “When you know, you just know.” It is hard to explain it more than that.
Something I have talked about with others before is that the relative contemplation of the journey, the relative culmination of the work that has been done, whether hard or easy, is fascinating to personally witness. I do not know what lies in store for me, and yet I believe I am heading for certainty. My goal long ago was to reach certainty about what I am supposed to do. Where I am supposed to go. And this is what is special to me, to expect it to come, even though I know it is “impossible” for spiritual progress to occur with expectation. This is the “uniqueness of the situation” as I like to say. The great paradox.
I don’t know if it happens often, being able to expect spiritual culmination and it actually happening. Sure, tons of people expect it to happen and it doesn’t. How often do they expect it and it does? Perhaps, people in the past had no idea what was coming so how could they expect anything? I have many historical examples to draw from, plus my own spiritual experiences from the past, so there is something for me to expect towards, whether I like it or not. But, the strength of the meditation is such that it is possible to relatively expect in real life, and still “make it” to the goal; I abide in the mantra “I do not care what has come or will come.”
The shore is on the horizon and as it draws near, I continually reassure myself that I am doing what I am supposed to do. And yet the question rears itself once again, “To be or not to be”; that is the only question. “To be” is the aim of the ego. “Not to be” is the aim of the soul. In truth, it is a sacrifice, but one that must be made, with trust that it is the right way. I will surely be a different person once all is said and done, but what type of person? This is the trust that I speak about. With no living guru to lead me, I must trust myself, my intuitions, and the guidance of all the gurus before me, whether real or fictional, to lead me to where It wants me to go.
We stand at a precipice. To go the same way we have been going or to forge a new direction. I am surely not cut out to continue in the direction that we have been going, but I feel I may have the skills to help us if we decide to go on a new path. This can only be done when my own path is complete and that is what I am trying for or about to do. Most will not believe or understand until they see with their own eyes, and so when the time comes, I will show them either in person or online.
I always thought people will be drawn to spirituality when they see the “powers” that it brings, but perhaps these powers will just be used in the forms of whatever creative outlets we already have; music, art, writing, etc. When people see and hear the “divine” influential difference, this will make others follow. The difference will not be trivial.
The power of the blog would make past writers kings. The saying, “I’m doing this,” has much more sway than “I did this.” Not hiding their plans, but to show all openly. Those combined with spiritual guidance would naturally have been just as fearless, untouchable unless their karma allowed harm, but of course our history would have been different, which would have taken away the point of it all. It happened how it was supposed to and now we are here, together, ready to move forward, ready to cast aside our old clothes and don the new ones that we must trust will fit.
I have discovered one of my favorite new things is to sit on the deserted beach around 8 PM before the moon rises but still pitch dark, facing the south, watching the stars, and listening to the ocean. Eventually the moon rises and the light on the water at a sight degree is just unbelievable. It may be one of the most pleasant things I get to experience every night here. What is a star but a sun at a distance? Or just the rays of a sun that has already passed?
I saw a very funny sight yesterday. A young white tourist man was walking down the beach from the hotel nearby. As he approached the beach in front of our house, the dogs came out to greet him with their barks. He thought they were going to bite him or what not and he turned around and ran faster than a leopard back. It was quite funny as these were the harmless dogs. All bark and no bite, at least I think.
The Rule of Evil
Evil is like the waves of a rough coast. One can only go so far into the water before it will sweep them away. As long as one can still touch ground and they know how far they can go, the water cannot harm them. But as soon as they go too far, it can take everything away. This is the rule of evil.
My relationship with the dogs has progressed thoroughly. I have become one of their pack now, I feel, and they see me as one of their own, whether walking, eating, swimming, or lounging. I have reached this short term goal through love, rather than fear. Nature always holds the answer to the most vexing questions, one being whether to rule through love or fear. Through fear, I may have the slightest worry that they could turn on me at any point. Through love, my only worry is that they turn on someone else thinking I am in trouble, through their own love for me.
The dog can teach us much about what is important in life. Family, friendship, relaxing, enjoying life. They are certainly in no hurry. And neither am I. I will not slow down, nor speed up, but let the waves pull me in until the stillness settles.
There are as many psychological differences between dogs as their are humans. Just as it easy for me to see transitions of weakness to strength in humans, I can see it in the dogs. They are not all alike. Some are shy, some are scared, some are full of hatred, some are not trusting. On the other side, some are full of love, some are confident, some are trusting, some are just happy to be. The transitions can and do take place in dogs, as well as humans. In their next lives, they will carry the victories of their transitions or the defeats wherever Dharma sends them next.
The soul has neither beginning nor end. [They] come into this world strengthened by the victories or weakened by the defeats of their previous lives. – Origen
Can you believe it? 104 days have passed in the sadhu journey. It feels great, like a feeling that even occasionally if I’m doing nothing, I’m still doing something. I may not have much to do, but I have my IPad full of books. Not just any books, but the best books ever written. That’s pretty cool to say. We all have access to the best books ever written. Throughout history! Movies and music are babies compared to the written word. And, we can see similarities and differences with our ancestors through the books that have been preserved for us to read and enjoy! It connects us to them. Hopefully, one day, my books will do the same. Enshallah.
It’s a miracle to me,
That the sun we see,
And the moon are of the same size
And yet I know,
It’s just a show,
The moon with its wise disguise.
Could this be the same,
As our current law or game,
Of good and it’s mirror evil.
It seems they are balanced,
Could there be malice,
If good didn’t deceive the people?
Just like the moonlight,
That reflects from the sun,
The evil could not exist,
If good’s will was not done.